Sunday, December 9, 2007

Holiday Tips

Happy Holidays from the Dietitians.

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffettable knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you seecarrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rumballs.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like finesingle-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer thansingle-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now.So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It'snot as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something.It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later thanyou think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point ofgravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out ofyour mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy . Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milkor whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying asports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort tocontrol your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party isto eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and NewYear's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling thebuffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat ofeggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, likefrosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, positionyourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can beforebecoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair ofshoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Orif you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Alwayshave three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? LaborDay?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with themandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean,have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave theparty or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

5 comments:

Dan said...

*takes notes*

Jeanne said...

hehehe keep em in your pocket...

Me said...

Going to a Christmas party tonight... thanks for the tips! :D

Me said...

Going to a Christmas party tonight... thanks for the tips! :D

Jeanne said...

So how was the party??? Did the tips come in handy?? lol